致命的大错

1.         "My compensation should be at least equal to my age."

2.         "Reason for Leaving: It had to do with the IRS, FBI and SEC."

3.         "Fired because I fought for lower pay."

4.         "Size of employer: Very tall, probably over 6'5"."

5.         "Please disregard the enclosed resume-it is terribly out of date."

6.         "Reason for Leaving: My boss said the end of the world is near."

7.         "Reason for Leaving: The owner gave new meaning to the word 'paranoia.' I

8.         prefer to elaborate privately."

9.         "Finished 8th in my high school graduating class of 10."

10.     "Qualifications: No education or experience."

11.     "I am relatively intelligent, obedient and loyal as a puppy."

 

打字错误与语法错误

1.         "Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets."

2.         "Proven ability to track down and correct erors."

3.         "Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department."

4.         "Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."

5.         "Accomplishments: Completed 11 years of high school."

6.         "Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."

7.         "Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer."

8.         "I am a rabid typist."

9.         "Work History: Performed brain wave tests,1879-1981."

10.     "After receiving advice from several different angels, I have decided to

11.     pursue a new line of work."

12.     "Accounting cleric."

13.     "As indicted, I have over five years of experience analyzing investments."

14.     "Suspected to graduate early next year."

 

不应有的幽默

1.         "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."

2.         "My fortune cookie said, 'Your next interview will result in a job'-and I

3.         like your company in particular."

4.         "Title: Another resume from the 'Profiles in Excellence' series."

5.         "Also Known As: Mr. Productivity, Mr. Clever, Mr.Fix-it."

6.         "Trustworthy references available upon request-if I give them a few bucks."

7.         "Let's meet so you can 'ooh' and 'ahh' over my experience."

8.         "Note: Keep this resume on top of the stack. Use all others to heat your

9.         house."

10.     "Assisted in daily preparation of large quantities of consumable items in a

11.     fast-paced setting."

12.     (Translation: Short-order cook.)

13.     "But wait...there's more. You get all this business knowledge plus a grasp

14.     of marketing that is second nature."